For all you carnivores out there, what is it about your meat of choice that makes it better than the others?
Does it taste better? More tender? Healthier? Organic? Free of disease? Comes with a free toy? Doesn’t make you constipated or acts as a laxative? Is it full (this one is for all you men) of hormones that build your muscles or are a Viagra substitute?
There are so many ways in which to differentiate your favourite meat, and having done so given it a label to make easy for you to choose. For example succulent, hand-reared, parasite-free, protein-packed, finger-licking-good, healthy, free-range, farm standard, GMO or non-GMO (yes, many people love genetically modified meat), “pulled”, as in pork…
So what we need here, to enable the producers of chlorinated chicken to become top dogs is a powerful advertising campaign designed to promote their brand and slag off the competition. Now I’m very proud of my word, “invigorated”, because I feel invigorated after a swim in the public baths. They too are chlorinated. Unfortunately, and we ought to keep this quiet, the toilet having received a shot of bleach is obviously chlorinated too. And I can’t keep track of the number of weeds, old roots and several garden pests that chlorination has dispatched to the higher side of life.
Another aspect of invigoration, however this is also a feature when people talk about fast-“food”, is that too much of it can actually be fatal. I wouldn’t advocate having a slug of pure bleach, sorry chlorinated liquid, as I’m told, or at least I believe, that the higher side of life is promotion and advertising free.
So there we have it. Shiploads of chlorinated, sorry invigorated chicken is on its way to the UK from organic food heaven, the USA. Surely this is a time to rejoice. And all those Brexiteers who cannot bring themselves to gorge on invigorated chicken are culpable for this food revolution.
Any more shit in need of a re-word or re-frame? You know it makes sense.
And guess what, there is actually a debate about this in the mainstream, pre-supposing chlorinated chicken might actually be good for us! You now know it is isn't, but invigorated chicken, that's another story...
Jack Stewart, July 30, 2017