It can be witnessed in pubs and coffee bars, occasionally in restaurants across the UK. Why less in restaurants? Food gets in the way.
A loud, often agitated bloke spouts pure drivel. Meaningless, worse-than-watching-paint-dry, coma-inducing nonsense. About himself, his job, a tabloid headline or sport. The hapless woman-it always is a woman-sits there either listening under duress, not listening at all but giving the impression she is, or daydreaming. In all three cases, the b*****kspeaker carries on regardless.
If the woman looks disinterested for more than 10 minutes, he raises his voice, or may b*****kspeak faster.
People near this appalling spectacle move. Beware when you enter a coffee bar etc. and there is too much space around a table and possibly silence [as the b*****kspeaker catches his breath, or has got up to go to the toilet] be alert, and consider giving it the widest berth.
The main reason you will find this threat to world peace tolerated is if there are enough equally de-brained blokes cluelessly unable to detach from any version of b*****kspeak sitting in proximity.
I have been searching for years for the male equivalent of young women having a repertoire of about four facial expressions, all gleaned from ‘celebrities’ in the media.
And no, it’s not the fault of the men and women who spout or pout, it’s the 24/7/365 torrent of trivia brainwashing.
So, beware bollockspeakers, they can seriously damage your sanity.
Jack Stewart, having to let off steam, November 2014.